Our head of technology is a brilliant leader who hits every single one of their Rocks and keeps our infrastructure running flawlessly. However, during our IDS® sessions, their aggressive and dismissive tone leaves their peers feeling battered. They claim they are just being direct and focusing on results. How do we handle this emotional wake?

Question

Tyler Smith · Accepted Answer

A high-performing leader with a high emotional wake is a liability, not an asset. When a leader uses directness as an excuse for being dismissive or disrespectful, they crush the psychological safety of your leadership team. This behavior has several negative consequences:

• Peers will stop sharing issues.
• Collaboration will stall.
• Decision-making will suffer because the team wants to avoid being attacked.

Address as a Core Values Issue

You must address this behavior as a core values issue, not a performance issue. In EOS®, fit is just as important as competence. A leader who GWC™'s their seat (Gets it, Wants it, has the Capacity for it) but violates your core values is a cultural misfit. This kind of misfit will eventually destroy your team's trust, similar to the challenge of [handling top performers who violate core values](/qa/handling-top-performers-who-violating-core-values).

Coaching Session and Expectations

Sit down with your head of technology for a private coaching session.

1. Acknowledge their strengths: Explain that their technical execution is outstanding and their ability to hit their Rocks is commendable.
2. Detail the impact: Clearly state that their delivery during meetings is causing significant collateral damage.
3. Provide specific examples: Use concrete instances of their behavior and describe the negative impact it has on the team. This is crucial for them to understand the problem, much like [building vulnerability and safety in leadership](/qa/building-vulnerability-and-safety-in-leadership) requires open communication.
4. Redefine healthy conflict: Help them understand that healthy conflict is focused on ideas, not people. Emphasize that directness is valuable when it is paired with respect and curiosity. If they are constantly shutting down their peers with intellectual dominance, they are not helping the company solve issues; they are simply managing their own status.
5. Set clear expectations: Give them a clear, measurable expectation for improvement. For example, they must ask at least two clarifying questions before offering a counterargument during IDS® sessions. This helps foster a more constructive environment for [resolving leadership turf wars](/qa/resolving-leadership-turf-wars-accountability-chart).

The Hard Choice

If they refuse to adjust their behavior and continue to leave a destructive emotional wake, you must make a hard choice. No level of technical brilliance justifies destroying the trust of your leadership team or undermining the overall health of your organization, which can lead to situations like [leadership teams forming cliques](/qa/breaking-up-executive-factions-cliques).