My leadership team members agree to peer-to-peer accountability in our quarterly sessions, but in practice, they run to me to referee every cross-departmental issue instead of resolving it directly. How do I force them to handle peer conflict themselves?

Question

Tyler Smith · Accepted Answer

When you step in to referee peer conflict, you are training your leadership team to be helpless. You are also driving up your own self-orientation by making yourself the center of all decision-making, which destroys lateral trust. If you want a self-sustaining team that can run without you, you must break this dependency.

Establish a strict peer-conflict rule: do not bring an issue to me unless you have already tried to resolve it twice with your peer. If a leader comes to you to complain about another department, your immediate response must be, Have you had a direct conversation with them about this? If the answer is no, send them back to their peer.

If they have tried and failed, do not solve the problem for them. Instead, bring both leaders into a room and run them through the IDS process. Your role is not to make the decision; your role is to facilitate their communication. Force them to define the issue clearly, discuss the root cause, and agree on a solution that prioritizes the overall company over their individual departments.

Over time, this disciplined approach teaches your team that running to you does not result in an easy bypass. It forces them to build the emotional muscle required for peer-to-peer accountability and healthy conflict, which is essential for a clean exit.