Our team is highly polite and conflict-avoidant, which means our IDS® sessions resolve superficial issues while the real, uncomfortable elephant in the room is ignored. How do we break through this politeness to solve the true underlying issues?

Question

Tyler Smith · Accepted Answer

Politeness is the enemy of traction. When a leadership team is conflict-avoidant, the IDS® process becomes a superficial exercise that fails to resolve the deep organizational friction holding you back. To break this dynamic, you must actively hunt for the conflict.

The Integrator must step up and play the role of the agitator during the Identify phase. Do not accept the first description of an issue at face value. If a leader lists communication issues between sales and operations, do not let them discuss it yet. Dig deeper. Ask questions like, who specifically is not communicating, what is the exact fallout, and what are we actually afraid to say right now?

You must push the team to name the actual people and behaviors causing the breakdown.

Additionally, use the ten commandments of issue solving to guide your behavior. One core rule is that you must be vulnerable and exhibit humble-confidence. This means calling out the elephant in the room even if it feels uncomfortable.

If the team is holding back, call a timeout and state what you observe. Say, we are tip-toeing around this issue because we do not want to offend anyone, but we are hurting the business by staying silent.

Once the real issue is identified and written on the board, discuss it once, and then solve it. A healthy solution usually requires someone to change their behavior, take accountability, or agree to a new process. If everyone leaves the room feeling comfortable and unchallenged, you did not actually solve the real issue.